Firstly, a little blog news from me....I have changed the title and URL of my blog, obviously it was called "Our Baby Journey" because of the road we were on, and now that the Lord has blessed us with a beautiful baby girl, I have re named it. :)
And now onto what this post is about.
I have been trying to discover who I am now that I'm a mommy.....its actually been quite difficult. I feel as if I've lost my identity and become a non confident, self conscious person and I don't really like it! My friends and family have been trying to encourage me and remind me of who I am, but its proving to be hard for me to accept for some reason.
I know I'm still Anna, but now that I'm a mommy too, what does that make me? Who am I? I have a new body that I'm trying to adjust too, mostly my jiggly and stretch marked stomach, it will take some getting used to. I find it hard to like myself some days, which isn't good because then it plays out in front of my family and friends in non positive ways.
The easiest thing for me to do these days when I'm in this rut, is to remind myself what I have and how blessed I am. I also know it would help if my walk with the Lord was to be strengthened, I'm working on that. I literally have to remind myself of how grateful I am for my life every hour of every day, otherwise I get bogged down on how horrible I think I look, or how I think no one loves me because I'm such a handful, things like that. I know these are just lies from Satan, but when you're running on as little sleep as I am, you get very down and emotional, very easily.
It is also difficult because I have a lot of friends here in Minnesota, but most of them live farther away, anywhere from 15-20 minutes away to an hour away - I would love to have a friend that was just a couple minutes away, that I really connected with and could count on and they could count on me. I am going to start praying for such a friend, or maybe several! Jesse and I are looking to start a small group Bible study through our church for young married couples with families or starting families, and we're hoping to find several couples closer to our Lakeville area, so Lord willing we will find some awesome new friends. :)
Thankfully through all of this "self identity crisis" stuff, my sweet and wise husband is being very amazing and loving, I couldn't do it without him. Also my best friend in Maine, Julie, and my mom are always there to encourage me and remind me where I came from and who I am - I love you both so VERY much.
I can't wait to find out who I am in this new phase of my life and how I can be a better mother to my baby, and a better wife to my wonderful husband - hopefully I will find out sooner rather then later! ;)
Anna
Anna, I completely understand what you're going through. Changing roles & life stages overnight (literally!) can really rock your world and force you to re-define your sense of self. Don't be too hard on yourself, take it one day at a time, keep Jesus at the center... and realize that yes, you will always be the same old Anna, but with new dimensions and probably new limitations, as you adjust to your new normal. And that's okay. Praying for ya!
ReplyDeleteBoy, do I remember going through that after Conner was born. It was so hard. I'll pray for a friend close by. That's been something I've especially longed for while here in Austin and God has blessed me in different seasons with just the person I needed.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had children yet, but I do understand having an identity crisis to some extent! Getting married, gaining 10 lbs (i know, not that much but still a change!), working in a difficult job, all made me question who I was and who God created me to be. It can be a very lonely path! Now that I'm coming out of that I can see that we go through times like that every once in a while, but God always has a plan for it. =) I will be praying for you!
ReplyDeleteThanks guys, means a lot to know I'm not the only one that has ever gone through something like this and to know that ya'll understand.
ReplyDeleteAnd just a side note....I still don't want to ever go back to not being able to have kids - it was the hardest, longest journey I've ever been through - yes its going to take adjusting and its a serious life change, but I am SO SO grateful the Lord finally blessed us with a beautiful baby, I wouldn't wish infertility on anyone.