"Heavenly Father....I'm struggling right now, you know why and you know the many reasons. I don't want too, I don't want to let my emotions get the best of me, but they are right now. I am trying to not be selfish, and childish, and I'm not meaning to be, sometimes I just don't understand life. I know I'm not supposed too, but sometimes every now and then I wish I could see into the future to see what will happen. But I know that would not be wise, and I'm glad you have not allowed that. But I find myself today wishing that nothing good would happen in my life, because it seems like every time I have something good happen to me, something bad happens, and my heart gets ripped to shreds again. My heart is so sore Lord, so sore, it's been hurt so many times. I am a very emotional person, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, you know that, and I know you're there to pick me up. Help me to learn from my broken heart, help me to know how to be strong and how to be the Godly woman you want me to be. Life is not easy Father, you know that better then anyone, I need you today, I need your strength, your love and your grace. Thank you Lord, I know you always come through. "
In Your Precious and Holy Name,
Anna
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
DR Appt/Clomid Update
I just realized I forgot to blog after my DR appt last Tuesday, I'm so sorry! Life is a whirlwind at the moment, and I just forgot.
Anyways, I had an amazing appt, I absolutely love my OB, I hope she can deliver my babies one day. She talked with us forever, she was very glad I had already had the HSG so that we could move forward with Clomid.
For those of you who aren't quite sure what Clomid is or does, I'll try to inform you with the little bit of information I know. It's supposed to create a follicle, hopefully greater then 19 mm, and if it does, then I get an injection of BHCG to help promote ovulation of that follicle. This is all done on cycle days 17-19, then on day 21 I'm supposed to return to check my progesterone levels to see if I've ovulated. Then if I did, I take a PG test on day 45 if I haven't started my period.
Right now I'm just waiting for my period to start, I'm on day 50 today, the longest I've had in a while, lately they've been averaging 40-45, so I wish it would start so I can begin this Clomid process! But then again, my body seems to never want to cooperate when I want it too, lol. So we just continue to wait. :)
The DR will be putting me on a lower dose of Clomid to begin with, and if there isn't a big enough follicle and/or I don't ovulate, then the next cycle she'll up my dosage. Basically I can take Clomid for 6-7 cycles, then if that still doesn't work, she'll have to send me to the fertility specialist which we pray doesn't happen.
I am allowing myself to hope a LITTLE bit, I haven't hoped at all the past year or so just because I have had so many disappointments and heartaches, but the DR said that Clomid increases our chances by 50%, so going from basically 0% to 50% is definitely a step up in the right direction. At the same time I am very much afraid of being heartbroken again, and I'm just asking for prayer that the Lord will be with me during that time if it happens.
I would love nothing more then to have a sweet Sullivan baby in my arms by this time next Christmas, but I have wished for that three Christmases in a row now, and it's getting harder every time to have my heart broken. Let's pray that this is the last Christmas our arms will be empty! :)
Anyways, I had an amazing appt, I absolutely love my OB, I hope she can deliver my babies one day. She talked with us forever, she was very glad I had already had the HSG so that we could move forward with Clomid.
For those of you who aren't quite sure what Clomid is or does, I'll try to inform you with the little bit of information I know. It's supposed to create a follicle, hopefully greater then 19 mm, and if it does, then I get an injection of BHCG to help promote ovulation of that follicle. This is all done on cycle days 17-19, then on day 21 I'm supposed to return to check my progesterone levels to see if I've ovulated. Then if I did, I take a PG test on day 45 if I haven't started my period.
Right now I'm just waiting for my period to start, I'm on day 50 today, the longest I've had in a while, lately they've been averaging 40-45, so I wish it would start so I can begin this Clomid process! But then again, my body seems to never want to cooperate when I want it too, lol. So we just continue to wait. :)
The DR will be putting me on a lower dose of Clomid to begin with, and if there isn't a big enough follicle and/or I don't ovulate, then the next cycle she'll up my dosage. Basically I can take Clomid for 6-7 cycles, then if that still doesn't work, she'll have to send me to the fertility specialist which we pray doesn't happen.
I am allowing myself to hope a LITTLE bit, I haven't hoped at all the past year or so just because I have had so many disappointments and heartaches, but the DR said that Clomid increases our chances by 50%, so going from basically 0% to 50% is definitely a step up in the right direction. At the same time I am very much afraid of being heartbroken again, and I'm just asking for prayer that the Lord will be with me during that time if it happens.
I would love nothing more then to have a sweet Sullivan baby in my arms by this time next Christmas, but I have wished for that three Christmases in a row now, and it's getting harder every time to have my heart broken. Let's pray that this is the last Christmas our arms will be empty! :)
Friday, December 10, 2010
Back in snowy, cold Minnesota!
We are back in Minnesota, and goodness it is cold and snowy, we are expecting quite a big blizzard starting late tonight and going through tomorrow night, oh joy! And it kinda sucks too because Jesse has to reserve at the CG Station in Duluth this weekend and I don't want to be stuck in my apartment all day with nothing to do, so I'm hoping to either go spend the day with my in laws or the day with my friend before the blizzard gets too bad, but we'll see.
We put all of our Christmas stuff up the other day, and our apartment looks so festive - I really hope that this time next year we'll be in an awesome house instead of apartment and be able to do even more cool decorating! It's really my favorite holiday and I love decorating for it and getting into the Christmas spirit, it just makes me happy. (Even when its freaking cold outside, ha!)
I have a DR appt on Tuesday to hopefully be put on Clomid, a medicine that I have talked about before, that will hopefully help me ovulate (which we think is my only problem infertility wise) and I'm hoping we don't run into any complications where we have to wait for the next cycle, so I'm praying it will all go smoothly and we can start Clomid next week. My best friend is getting excited, but I'm finding myself being guarded just because of all the hurts and disappointments I've had in the past, I hope I can allow myself to get excited someday soon though.
My little brother Nate leaves for Marine boot camp in CA on Monday, I can't believe he is going to be a Marine! We were all quite shocked when he told us that's what he wanted to do, and I will be definitely praying for him a lot, I'm thinking it will either make him or break him. I pray he will be able to stand strong in the Lord and that the Lord will constantly remind Him that He is all he needs!!
I miss my family in Mississippi and my family in Arkansas, being back in Minnesota amongst the northern accents and snow just makes me miss the south even more. I felt so at home in the south, I felt like I was with my kind of people, but knowing I will probably always live in the north, makes me realize I'd better get used to the people and accents fast, but also makes me not want to lose my heritage and roots, I love the south, nothing will ever change that.
And now, I must do some Christmas shopping for Jesse and my best friend Julie today - they are SO hard to shop for because they hate telling people what they want because they never know what they want, totally the opposite of me where I always have things I want! ;)
We put all of our Christmas stuff up the other day, and our apartment looks so festive - I really hope that this time next year we'll be in an awesome house instead of apartment and be able to do even more cool decorating! It's really my favorite holiday and I love decorating for it and getting into the Christmas spirit, it just makes me happy. (Even when its freaking cold outside, ha!)
I have a DR appt on Tuesday to hopefully be put on Clomid, a medicine that I have talked about before, that will hopefully help me ovulate (which we think is my only problem infertility wise) and I'm hoping we don't run into any complications where we have to wait for the next cycle, so I'm praying it will all go smoothly and we can start Clomid next week. My best friend is getting excited, but I'm finding myself being guarded just because of all the hurts and disappointments I've had in the past, I hope I can allow myself to get excited someday soon though.
My little brother Nate leaves for Marine boot camp in CA on Monday, I can't believe he is going to be a Marine! We were all quite shocked when he told us that's what he wanted to do, and I will be definitely praying for him a lot, I'm thinking it will either make him or break him. I pray he will be able to stand strong in the Lord and that the Lord will constantly remind Him that He is all he needs!!
I miss my family in Mississippi and my family in Arkansas, being back in Minnesota amongst the northern accents and snow just makes me miss the south even more. I felt so at home in the south, I felt like I was with my kind of people, but knowing I will probably always live in the north, makes me realize I'd better get used to the people and accents fast, but also makes me not want to lose my heritage and roots, I love the south, nothing will ever change that.
And now, I must do some Christmas shopping for Jesse and my best friend Julie today - they are SO hard to shop for because they hate telling people what they want because they never know what they want, totally the opposite of me where I always have things I want! ;)
Thursday, November 18, 2010
life and stuff
Hello blogging world! I can't believe Jesse and I are here in Mississippi another week or so, and then we leave, we're leaving the Saturday after Thanksgiving and heading to Arkansas to spend some time with my family before heading back to cold and snowy Minnesota. This summer has flown by and it has been a blast spending time with my extended family down here, I will be very sad to leave, but I will just think about everything happy that went down this summer.
I had my HSG test a week from this past Tuesday, and oh my goodness it hurt like I've never felt pain before. Basically the doctor puts dye up the fallopian tubes just to check them out and make sure everything is ok. They have to administer this test before they can prescribe you any sort of fertility meds. I'm so glad it's over, and we made a doctor appt with my OB back in Minnesota for the week after we get back, and hopefully she will be able to put me on Clomid. I'm trying not to get my hopes up yet, but I can't wait for the day I'm actually on it and can maybe start getting my hopes up.
Jesse has been in Minnesota the last few days, he had to fly out there to test with a police dept that is hiring a couple of cops. They tested about 340 people though, and will only pick a few of the top people to actually interview. We'll pray Jesse is one of them, but the job market, especially for cops, is so difficult still. But whatever happens, happens, and we know the Lord is in control.
As much as I'm not looking forward to not going back to Minnesota because of the cold and because I have to say goodbye to family, we are very much looking forward to leaving this small hotel room and having an apartment again and a real kitchen. It's kind of ironic, we kept thinking our apartment was small and my kitchen there was tiny, but after having the living situation we've been in the past few months, I will be so grateful to be in our apartment and my actual full sized kitchen. I've so missed having an oven!
I'm also looking forward to really trying to start up my makeup artist business when I get back too, so if any of you live in Minnesota and know of people getting married or needing makeup lessons or anything, please direct them to my website: http://passionatebeauty.yolasite.com/. I also have business cards if anyone wants to pass them around at work or to family and friends. I love making people feel beautiful and I love creating beautiful faces and letting people's inner beauty shine through.
A friend of mine has been helping me with my clothing style lately, I knew I was just getting way too lazy and casual with my outfits and since I want to continue being a music teacher and go farther with my makeup business, I knew I wanted to start dressing more business casual, but didn't really know how. She has given me so many helpful tips and some basics to get, so I've been doing some shopping over the past couple of weeks and have picked up some awesome must have basics for my wardrobe. Dark wash jeans, blazers/jackets, scarves, printed tops, bracelets/chunky rings, boots, etc. She said the key was to get classics that don't really ever go out of style, and you can make all different kinds of outfits with them, and so far I'm loving my new look.
Wow, I hadn't realized how much I hadn't shared about our life lately, so there ya go, for anyone who was interested. Ciao!
I had my HSG test a week from this past Tuesday, and oh my goodness it hurt like I've never felt pain before. Basically the doctor puts dye up the fallopian tubes just to check them out and make sure everything is ok. They have to administer this test before they can prescribe you any sort of fertility meds. I'm so glad it's over, and we made a doctor appt with my OB back in Minnesota for the week after we get back, and hopefully she will be able to put me on Clomid. I'm trying not to get my hopes up yet, but I can't wait for the day I'm actually on it and can maybe start getting my hopes up.
Jesse has been in Minnesota the last few days, he had to fly out there to test with a police dept that is hiring a couple of cops. They tested about 340 people though, and will only pick a few of the top people to actually interview. We'll pray Jesse is one of them, but the job market, especially for cops, is so difficult still. But whatever happens, happens, and we know the Lord is in control.
As much as I'm not looking forward to not going back to Minnesota because of the cold and because I have to say goodbye to family, we are very much looking forward to leaving this small hotel room and having an apartment again and a real kitchen. It's kind of ironic, we kept thinking our apartment was small and my kitchen there was tiny, but after having the living situation we've been in the past few months, I will be so grateful to be in our apartment and my actual full sized kitchen. I've so missed having an oven!
I'm also looking forward to really trying to start up my makeup artist business when I get back too, so if any of you live in Minnesota and know of people getting married or needing makeup lessons or anything, please direct them to my website: http://passionatebeauty.yolasite.com/. I also have business cards if anyone wants to pass them around at work or to family and friends. I love making people feel beautiful and I love creating beautiful faces and letting people's inner beauty shine through.
A friend of mine has been helping me with my clothing style lately, I knew I was just getting way too lazy and casual with my outfits and since I want to continue being a music teacher and go farther with my makeup business, I knew I wanted to start dressing more business casual, but didn't really know how. She has given me so many helpful tips and some basics to get, so I've been doing some shopping over the past couple of weeks and have picked up some awesome must have basics for my wardrobe. Dark wash jeans, blazers/jackets, scarves, printed tops, bracelets/chunky rings, boots, etc. She said the key was to get classics that don't really ever go out of style, and you can make all different kinds of outfits with them, and so far I'm loving my new look.
Wow, I hadn't realized how much I hadn't shared about our life lately, so there ya go, for anyone who was interested. Ciao!
Monday, November 8, 2010
I'm dreaming of Christmas....yes already.
Yes I'm dreaming of Christmas already, the weather finally got cooler here so it feels more like fall, and I just happened to watch a funny Christmas movie with my aunt and cousin yesterday, and then we ended up listening to Christmas music. So needless to say, that got me in the mood of wishing Christmas was here. Although I love Thanksgiving and can't wait to help my aunt cook all sorts of yummy things, I can't help but think about how I want to decorate our little apartment when we get back to Minnesota the second week of December.
It's going to be so hard for me though because I usually love to start decorating for Christmas right after Thanksgiving, so once we get back around the 8th or 9th of December, I'm going to have to kick myself into high gear and get everything up. So that's why I'm trying to start planning what I'm going to do now, so when I get back, I know what I'm going to do, hopefully.
Christmas is definitely my favorite holiday and time of year, I love making my home cozy and warm and beautiful for the holidays, and I want to do even more this year. (Shhh, don't tell my husband.) A few things I'm thinking of for my Christmas decorations this year include:
- Ornaments/snowflakes hung with ribbons from light and fan fixtures
- A beautiful wreath hanging on the wall in place of a picture or painting
- Holiday candle holders with candles sitting on coffee beans
- Dressing doorknobs with little red velvet bows and sprigs of greenery
- Fake poinsettas in baskets or pots in corners or by couches
And of course everything else I usually do, garland and lights on the mantle and on top of the blinds in the living room, candles everywhere, holiday table cloth on our dining room table, our beautifully decorated Christmas tree, and anything else I can think of.
Tell me what your favorite Christmas decorations are, I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions! Or any websites that you get your inspiration from!
I'll leave you with a few beautiful Christmas decor pictures that I found online, that I absolutely love.
It's going to be so hard for me though because I usually love to start decorating for Christmas right after Thanksgiving, so once we get back around the 8th or 9th of December, I'm going to have to kick myself into high gear and get everything up. So that's why I'm trying to start planning what I'm going to do now, so when I get back, I know what I'm going to do, hopefully.
Christmas is definitely my favorite holiday and time of year, I love making my home cozy and warm and beautiful for the holidays, and I want to do even more this year. (Shhh, don't tell my husband.) A few things I'm thinking of for my Christmas decorations this year include:
- Ornaments/snowflakes hung with ribbons from light and fan fixtures
- A beautiful wreath hanging on the wall in place of a picture or painting
- Holiday candle holders with candles sitting on coffee beans
- Dressing doorknobs with little red velvet bows and sprigs of greenery
- Fake poinsettas in baskets or pots in corners or by couches
And of course everything else I usually do, garland and lights on the mantle and on top of the blinds in the living room, candles everywhere, holiday table cloth on our dining room table, our beautifully decorated Christmas tree, and anything else I can think of.
Tell me what your favorite Christmas decorations are, I'd love to hear your ideas and suggestions! Or any websites that you get your inspiration from!
I'll leave you with a few beautiful Christmas decor pictures that I found online, that I absolutely love.
Friday, October 29, 2010
Anniversary Details
Well I suppose it's time for details on how our anniversary trip went eh? Since it's almost a week later now, lol. You can see pictures on my facebook from the trip, so here I'll just blog about what went down.
We left Wed at noon, and arrived in Vacherie, Louisiana around 3 or 4. The Oak Alley Plantation was pretty much way out in the middle of nowhere, located on a huge sugar cane plantation, and they actually were still growing and harvesting sugar cane on part of the property which was cool.
We checked in, did a little walking around and checking out the sites, and then asked around where a good local restaurant might be. We were told that there were only a couple, and only one was open that evening, it was called DJ's Grille, so we decided to try it. We went and the food was super yummy! I decided to not watch what I ate on the trip just because it was our vacation, so I got the chicken fettucine alfredo and Jesse got a homemade greek personal pizza. It was SO tasty!
After dinner we just hung out at our little cottage for the evening and once we decided to hit the sack, we discovered that our bed was extremely hard and very uncomfortable. What followed was a horrible night's sleep and we woke up very tired, but anxious to talk to the management to see what could be done for the next night. Before that though, we took advantage of the little on site restaurant for our included breakfast and that was really yummy.
So after breakfast we spent an hour or two trying to sort out our bed/sleeping mess, we finally were assigned another bedroom in our little cottage with a temperpedic mattress. The rest of the day we toured the beautiful Oak Alley grounds and we went on a tour of the actual mansion which was so cool, I love history. I would have loved to live back in those days and I think I would have fit the profile of a southern belle just splendidly. ;)
That evening we went to a restaurant in a town that was about half an hour away, and before we went to eat, we did a little shopping at an outlet mall, and ran into Kristin Tripp, an old Life Action red team member of mine, it was crazy! So good to see her!
Then we went to eat at a seafood place, called Sno's and we both had some yummy fried seafood and sweet tea. And for dessert we split a SO tasty bread pudding, omg it was so to die for. And we were SO full after that!
The next day we checked out, and then headed to New Orleans for the aquarium of the americas and the IMAX theater - the aquarium was so fun and huge, and the 3D movie we went to see was called Deep Sea and that was so cool. After that we headed down the riverwalk and went to the copied version of Cafe Du Mont's (the real one is on the French Quarter)and had some amazing chicory coffee and beignets. Oh they were heavenly!!
For dinner that night, on the way back home we stopped and got yummy steaks at Texas Roadhouse. And that concluded our very fun anniversary trip! Can't believe it's been four years, can't wait for the next four years.
We left Wed at noon, and arrived in Vacherie, Louisiana around 3 or 4. The Oak Alley Plantation was pretty much way out in the middle of nowhere, located on a huge sugar cane plantation, and they actually were still growing and harvesting sugar cane on part of the property which was cool.
We checked in, did a little walking around and checking out the sites, and then asked around where a good local restaurant might be. We were told that there were only a couple, and only one was open that evening, it was called DJ's Grille, so we decided to try it. We went and the food was super yummy! I decided to not watch what I ate on the trip just because it was our vacation, so I got the chicken fettucine alfredo and Jesse got a homemade greek personal pizza. It was SO tasty!
After dinner we just hung out at our little cottage for the evening and once we decided to hit the sack, we discovered that our bed was extremely hard and very uncomfortable. What followed was a horrible night's sleep and we woke up very tired, but anxious to talk to the management to see what could be done for the next night. Before that though, we took advantage of the little on site restaurant for our included breakfast and that was really yummy.
So after breakfast we spent an hour or two trying to sort out our bed/sleeping mess, we finally were assigned another bedroom in our little cottage with a temperpedic mattress. The rest of the day we toured the beautiful Oak Alley grounds and we went on a tour of the actual mansion which was so cool, I love history. I would have loved to live back in those days and I think I would have fit the profile of a southern belle just splendidly. ;)
That evening we went to a restaurant in a town that was about half an hour away, and before we went to eat, we did a little shopping at an outlet mall, and ran into Kristin Tripp, an old Life Action red team member of mine, it was crazy! So good to see her!
Then we went to eat at a seafood place, called Sno's and we both had some yummy fried seafood and sweet tea. And for dessert we split a SO tasty bread pudding, omg it was so to die for. And we were SO full after that!
The next day we checked out, and then headed to New Orleans for the aquarium of the americas and the IMAX theater - the aquarium was so fun and huge, and the 3D movie we went to see was called Deep Sea and that was so cool. After that we headed down the riverwalk and went to the copied version of Cafe Du Mont's (the real one is on the French Quarter)and had some amazing chicory coffee and beignets. Oh they were heavenly!!
For dinner that night, on the way back home we stopped and got yummy steaks at Texas Roadhouse. And that concluded our very fun anniversary trip! Can't believe it's been four years, can't wait for the next four years.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
CarbQuik, I can bake again!
I was very excited tonight, on my new Iphone (yes I got one and I LOVE it) I downloaded an app for low carb recipes, and I found an ingredient I hadn't heard before, CarbQuik. So I looked it up online and found that it looks and tastes just like flour but they made it in a way that it takes 90% of the carbs out!
I haven't been eating bread, pancakes, baked desserts, anything like that because of all the carbs. SO I'm very excited that I can combine this with the splenda I've been using for sweetener, and be able to eat yummy things without all of the bad things attached.
I'm also finding wonderful uses for cauliflower that I never knew existed, you can grate it to make faux rice, mash it to be like mashed potatoes, roast it and fry it, do all kinds of things with it. I'm going to buy some cauliflower in bulk and start using it! :)
Once I get back to MN and have an oven again, I'm going to experiment with a lot of healthy CarbQuik recipes and I can't wait to try them.
I haven't been eating bread, pancakes, baked desserts, anything like that because of all the carbs. SO I'm very excited that I can combine this with the splenda I've been using for sweetener, and be able to eat yummy things without all of the bad things attached.
I'm also finding wonderful uses for cauliflower that I never knew existed, you can grate it to make faux rice, mash it to be like mashed potatoes, roast it and fry it, do all kinds of things with it. I'm going to buy some cauliflower in bulk and start using it! :)
Once I get back to MN and have an oven again, I'm going to experiment with a lot of healthy CarbQuik recipes and I can't wait to try them.
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