Yes much much different then life before a newborn, lol. But of course all the sleepless nights are totally worth it when I see my baby look up at me when I talk to her and smile her beautifully cute smile in her sleep. This is the life I've been wanting for so long, sleepless and long nights and all. :)
Life will never go back to normal, and that's a good thing! My life right now consists of feeding Cassie, pumping extra milk for times that we need it, changing her diapers, doing her laundry, giving her all the TLC I can give and much more.
I'm still trying to find a routine for us since my mom left this past weekend, I'm sure we'll settle into one eventually, but we're not quite there yet. I have yet to do any cooking since I had her, and I wasn't doing too much before that! We did get a couple of very gracious meals from friends the first week which helped out SO much, but now its time for me to get a few meals on the table, perhaps today I will make a soup, that sounds good. :)
Different and difficult things are going on in other parts of my life right now at the same time, nothing with our family specifically, and nothing I can go into, but I'm having to try to deal with all of that as well as deal with this new life of mine. This is the time I really need to rely on the Lord and cry out to Him, I absolutely can't do it without Him, and I'm foolish for even trying. I want Cassie's mom to be a role model for her, so she will know the amazing grace of our Heavenly Father - so that is my goal this next week and in the weeks to come.
BTW, if you're local and haven't come to see our little bundle of joy, we'd love to have visitors! ;)
Friday, October 7, 2011
Our baby girl is here!! Cassandra Faith Sullivan arrived at 1:47 am Thursday morning, September 29th, she weighed 8 lbs 7 oz and was 19 and a half inches long. It was a very hard and long day, but we have a beautiful daughter out of it and are SO in love!! Here's her story:
We got up that morning around five because we needed to call by 6:30 to see if they could get us in, we had to wait all morning before they finally told us to come in. So after only a few hours of sleep, we went to the hospital at 12 for my induction, got right in, got hooked up, and the on call OB came in and broke my water, and put me on a teeny bit of pitocin. At that point I was still 3 centimeters and 80% effaced. My body was so ready, I had my first real and hard labor contractions within a half hour or so. It was at that time I knew I would definitely be needing that epidural.
After about an hour or two, the contractions had gotten really bad and everytime the nurses would check me, I would be more dilated and effaced, things progressed so fast we thought she would be delivered soon! They turned off the pitocin, and I continued progressing on my own very well and fast.
After a few hours of barely making it through contractions, they finally told me I could get the epidural, beautiful music to my ears. Oh and at this point, a fun fact was that everytime a nurse would check me, they told me they could feel lots of hair on Cassie! I was so excited! That is definitely from my side of the family.
So finally the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the miracle meds. I totally don't mind needles, but having to sit still during contractions during the epidural was incredibly hard. Once it took effect though, I was in heaven, and was so numb I had to keep asking Jesse to check the monitors to make sure I was still having contractions! Of course I was, all on my own without pitocin.
Time passed really quickly for us and the two moms that were in there, and it seemed I would have her soon. Well once I reached 8-9 centimeters, things started really slowing down and petering off, so they put me on pitocin again. That helped get things started again, and finally the dr came in, checked me and said I could start pushing with each contraction, this was around 10:00 pm or so.
I started pushing with the help of Jesse and our moms, getting the baby down lower. It was extremely tough! After a while of pushing, the dr came in to check on me and informed me that there was a slight issue, Cassie's head was face up instead of the preferred head down position. He said lots of women delivered like this, but it made pushing and delivery a lot harder because of the way the head would have to come through the pelvis. It was hard for us to hear, but I was more then determined to do it. Oh and it was so funny and cute, Cassie was one very active baby in the womb, and proved to be just as spunky and active during the entire labor process, even after delivery. :)
So I kept pushing, and as I did, the epidural started wearing off, and that scared me, I knew and felt that I could not deal with the pain. The nurses kept telling me I had plenty, but I wasn't convinced. Jesse during this time, and a day was absolutely amazing and supportive. I could not have done it without him, he was my rock and made me love him so much more.
After pushing for a couple hours, and really getting no where, the dr started getting discouraged and basically gave us our options. He said we could keep pushing and trying really hard, and he would get the vacuum out to assist me with every push, or we could have a c section. Once he said that, it scared me, the last thing I wanted was a c section, I had prayed that nothing like that would happen. So we all said, we can do this, we will keep pushing with the help of the vacuum.
So we pushed for another hour, the meds almost wore off, I had to get oxygen because I was trying so hard and was so exhausted and in a ton of pain. The dr kept trying, but finally he said we couldn't do this to me and my body anymore , and obviously for the baby. The baby was stuck behind my pelvis because of her face up position and we just weren't getting anywhere. So it was then, around one in the morning that he said we had to do the c section.
I was so disappointed I had to fight back the tears. I felt like a failure, but the dr and the nurses kept saying, I could not get the baby out any other way, I had tried as hard as I could. I was still scared to death though. But I was so exhausted that I was glad to see an end in sight.
We said goodbye to the moms, and Jesse and I headed to the operating room with the staff. After they had gotten me all prepped and ready, they brought Jesse in to sit with me, which was so good because I was nauseous and so scared.
After only a few minutes of slight pressure and pulling, the dr said, "Wow, yeah this baby is big!" it was then that Jesse and I heard that first beautiful cry of our miracle first born. I was overwhelmed with such love and emotion, I burst into tears, and so did Jesse. They gave us a quick peek before they went to clean her up. Then Jesse got to go see her and cut the umbilical cord and I kept saying, "What does she look like? I want to see her! When do I get to see her!!" Oh and they weighed her and we were surprised she was 8 lbs 7 oz, definitely bigger then we thought she would be, and it made me feel better that there was nothing I could have done to push her out.
Finally they brought my baby over and I got my first look at my daughter who was absolutely beautiful. I still couldn't stop crying! Then Jesse went down with the baby and the nurses to go get measured and checked out, and so the moms could meet her. I had to stay in the OR obviously because they had to finish putting me back together.
I couldn't wait to go back down and be with my baby since I hadn't gotten to hold her yet! It was a wonderful thing to finally go back downstairs and hold my baby, I was instantly in love and just in awe.
God was good, even though things didn't go as I would have liked, He knew what was best and kept me and baby safe and healthy. And I do know, if I have another baby, I'm totally scheduling a c-section. The labor I did experience without the epidural, was horrible, I never want to go through that again. Thank the Lord for modern medicine!