Monday, November 21, 2011

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

I have much to be grateful for this so much to be thankful for. Yes life isn't easy, but when is it ever easy? For me the important thing to remember is every single blessing the Lord has blessed us with. I love that Thanksgiving reminds me of what the Lord has given to our little family - sadly enough, sometimes it is a holiday like this that corrects my negative thinking and reminds me where my joy does come from. Thank the Heavenly Father He never gives up on me! :)

I am a huge fan of lists....for this reason, and like many times before, I am going to list several things that I am especially grateful for this year - I know that the list is endless, but I want to list a few.

- A Savior who never gives up on us and who gives us so many reasons to be grateful this holiday season.

- A beautiful, healthy baby daughter who didn't exist last year, but has made our lives so incredibly joyful and blessed - we love our baby girl, our miracle child!

- A husband who is so very patient and kind, and who works so very hard for our family to provide and be there for us, and who loves me beyond what I deserve.

- A warm and spacious house to live in and share our lives together.

- Christmas music, yes I have already been playing it for a week or so now, because I believe the Christmas season is way too short to only play it after Thanksgiving! ;)

- Pumpkin spice coffee...its the little things in life.

- Being back down to my weight that I was before getting pregnant, the smallest I have been in a very long time, and not even really trying!

- Getting to see Jesse's brother and his wife, and their two adorable twin boys, it's been way too long.

- In-laws that will babysit Cassie whenever and wherever we need, what a blessing.

- My family that we will get to see at Christmas, very excited to spend Christmas with them, and show Cassie off to the rest of my brothers, and to all my other friends in Arkansas.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Discovering Myself

Firstly, a little blog news from me....I have changed the title and URL of my blog, obviously it was called "Our Baby Journey" because of the road we were on, and now that the Lord has blessed us with a beautiful baby girl, I have re named it. :)

And now onto what this post is about.

I have been trying to discover who I am now that I'm a mommy.....its actually been quite difficult. I feel as if I've lost my identity and become a non confident, self conscious person and I don't really like it! My friends and family have been trying to encourage me and remind me of who I am, but its proving to be hard for me to accept for some reason.

I know I'm still Anna, but now that I'm a mommy too, what does that make me? Who am I? I have a new body that I'm trying to adjust too, mostly my jiggly and stretch marked stomach, it will take some getting used to. I find it hard to like myself some days, which isn't good because then it plays out in front of my family and friends in non positive ways.

The easiest thing for me to do these days when I'm in this rut, is to remind myself what I have and how blessed I am. I also know it would help if my walk with the Lord was to be strengthened, I'm working on that. I literally have to remind myself of how grateful I am for my life every hour of every day, otherwise I get bogged down on how horrible I think I look, or how I think no one loves me because I'm such a handful, things like that. I know these are just lies from Satan, but when you're running on as little sleep as I am, you get very down and emotional, very easily.

It is also difficult because I have a lot of friends here in Minnesota, but most of them live farther away, anywhere from 15-20 minutes away to an hour away - I would love to have a friend that was just a couple minutes away, that I really connected with and could count on and they could count on me. I am going to start praying for such a friend, or maybe several! Jesse and I are looking to start a small group Bible study through our church for young married couples with families or starting families, and we're hoping to find several couples closer to our Lakeville area, so Lord willing we will find some awesome new friends. :)

Thankfully through all of this "self identity crisis" stuff, my sweet and wise husband is being very amazing and loving, I couldn't do it without him. Also my best friend in Maine, Julie, and my mom are always there to encourage me and remind me where I came from and who I am - I love you both so VERY much.

I can't wait to find out who I am in this new phase of my life and how I can be a better mother to my baby, and a better wife to my wonderful husband - hopefully I will find out sooner rather then later! ;)