God is so good!

Well here I am many hours later, and still just as excited as ever. Every time I think about it I get butterflies in my stomach and I can't hardly sit still. Over the past 2 and a half years I've thought so many times that getting pregnant was just impossible, and it was never going to happen to me, and I just didn't deserve it. But here I am, 2 and a half grueling long years later and the Lord has answered our prayers.

We only were on one round of Clomid as you all know, and it worked, guess that's all the jump start my body needed, praise the Lord. He is SO faithful, and I know there are so many lessons that I wouldn't have learned had I not gone through the experience I did. It's just so hard to believe that our baby journey is over, and now we are starting a new journey, our parenting journey, crazy to realize that!

I will never forget the trials and heartaches we went through to get here, it will always be fresh in my mind, it was a good portion of our married life and its not something that's easily forgotten. And because we went through so much and had to wait so long, this baby will be even that much more loved - I am already talking to my little one and telling him/her how much I love them and how very much they are wanted, and every time I do I want to cry tears of joy.

My heart SO goes out to my dear friends who are still in their baby journey and who are still having to go through heartaches, I will always be here for each and everyone of you and just because I'm pregnant doesn't mean I haven't walked in your shoes and can't completely sympathize with with each of you. You know I've been there, and have hope, I thought we were never going to get pregnant, I thought things were hopeless, but God knew better. And I know even as I'm trying to encourage you, I remember when those that came before me would get pregnant after years of trying, I would think "Yeah right, my time will never come, it's not fair!" But just know I love you and I will always be here for you.

I made my first DR appt today, and it actually is on Valentines Day which will be the 8 week mark for me, what a great present! :) And just a few days after my 26th birthday too - February is going to be a fantastic month! We then have another appt on March 14th, and by then I'll be about 12 weeks along and we'll be able to hear my little precious one's heart beat! I so can't wait for that day.

I want to thank everyone who constantly prayed for us through this journey and wept with us when we wept and who are now rejoicing with us. God is SO good and SO faithful, He has shown Himself strong and proven Himself so much to me, I am in awe of how much He loves us!

I AM PREGNANT!!!!

And yes I will do a longer blog post soon but I just had to share the news on this blog....I absolutely cannot believe it, God is SO good!

Spring Business!!

Wow, it's been a while since I have blogged, I apologize, life has gotten busy (which I love and prefer of course) and I just haven't had time. So I have a few minutes here in which I will blog. :)

I have taken on a couple of new things this spring - I have never vocally directed any sort of show before, but I will be Vocal Director of two this spring! One will be for the Woodbury Community Theater for their Cheaper By the Dozen, The Musical, and for a church in St. Paul that needs a VD for their kids drama production this year. I am so excited to get involved with a theater again, it's been too long, it's where I feel free and wonderful.

I went to the WCT production meeting last night for Cheaper By the Dozen, and the people I met are fantastic - so laid back and so much fun, they will all be wonderful to work with, I can already tell.

Along with my theater things, I am also doing more makeup, I have a couple of weddings booked this year and I am very excited about that. I met a wonderful gal last night and I helped her go makeup shopping, I will be doing her wedding makeup later this year, and I will have to say I definitely made a new friend. :)

On top of all of this, I plan to continue my Monday and Tuesday evening music lessons, Wed evening Bible study, I will be starting a young married/mothers Bible study the first week of February, I am picking my vocal ensemble back up and we will be meeting Sunday night, a dancer friend of mine is going to give me dance lessons in exchange for piano lessons, I am going to continue working out 3-4 times a week, still hang out with all my wonderful friends, and oh yeah, keep trying to get pregnant. ;) I love it when my life gets so busy and I go from one thing to the next - every now and then I may need a small break, but I can't have one too long otherwise I start getting antsy again.

So that is my life right now! What do you have planned for this spring?

New Years Goals

It's a new year, I can't believe it's 2011! This past year has probably been one of the fastest years we've had yet, probably because we did so much this summer with Jesse's deployment and such. It was probably really good to have so many distractions since we faced yet another year with no pregnancy. Now we have begun the new year, and hopefully wonderful things are to come! We will know by the beginning of February if this round of Clomid worked or not, I am trying to not get my hopes up too much, but I'm allowing myself a teeny bit. :)

I always make goals and resolutions every year, I don't always make or meet them, but I would say last year I did really good with most of them, so here is my list for 2011!

Get pregnant - yes this has been on my list now for several New Years, but it's still a huge goal of mine, and with us starting on Clomid last week perhaps we'll finally be able to see it become a reality.

Get to see my best friend several times

Make a bunch of new friends & several new couple friends for Jesse and I

Find a church we can really call home

Really get my makeup artist career underway - do makeup for at least 10-15 weddings, continue meeting with a salon owner like I've been doing and freelancing for her, doing makeup for photo shoots, etc.

Go see Wicked in Wisconsin in Feb for my birthday!!!

Have a great Broadway Music Revue show in the spring with several friends

Read a lot of books

Lose 10-15 more pounds

Be in our own house and out of this apartment by Christmas

Dress much more stylish this summer - Sarah Pravel helped me SO much with my winter wear, and when summer rolls around she will help me with outfits for then too

Taken dance lessons

Save a lot of money

Become more of a prayer warrior

What are your New Years resolutions and goals?

life is not easy

"Heavenly Father....I'm struggling right now, you know why and you know the many reasons. I don't want too, I don't want to let my emotions get the best of me, but they are right now. I am trying to not be selfish, and childish, and I'm not meaning to be, sometimes I just don't understand life. I know I'm not supposed too, but sometimes every now and then I wish I could see into the future to see what will happen. But I know that would not be wise, and I'm glad you have not allowed that. But I find myself today wishing that nothing good would happen in my life, because it seems like every time I have something good happen to me, something bad happens, and my heart gets ripped to shreds again. My heart is so sore Lord, so sore, it's been hurt so many times. I am a very emotional person, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, you know that, and I know you're there to pick me up. Help me to learn from my broken heart, help me to know how to be strong and how to be the Godly woman you want me to be. Life is not easy Father, you know that better then anyone, I need you today, I need your strength, your love and your grace. Thank you Lord, I know you always come through. "

In Your Precious and Holy Name,

Anna

DR Appt/Clomid Update

I just realized I forgot to blog after my DR appt last Tuesday, I'm so sorry! Life is a whirlwind at the moment, and I just forgot.

Anyways, I had an amazing appt, I absolutely love my OB, I hope she can deliver my babies one day. She talked with us forever, she was very glad I had already had the HSG so that we could move forward with Clomid.

For those of you who aren't quite sure what Clomid is or does, I'll try to inform you with the little bit of information I know. It's supposed to create a follicle, hopefully greater then 19 mm, and if it does, then I get an injection of BHCG to help promote ovulation of that follicle. This is all done on cycle days 17-19, then on day 21 I'm supposed to return to check my progesterone levels to see if I've ovulated. Then if I did, I take a PG test on day 45 if I haven't started my period.

Right now I'm just waiting for my period to start, I'm on day 50 today, the longest I've had in a while, lately they've been averaging 40-45, so I wish it would start so I can begin this Clomid process! But then again, my body seems to never want to cooperate when I want it too, lol. So we just continue to wait. :)

The DR will be putting me on a lower dose of Clomid to begin with, and if there isn't a big enough follicle and/or I don't ovulate, then the next cycle she'll up my dosage. Basically I can take Clomid for 6-7 cycles, then if that still doesn't work, she'll have to send me to the fertility specialist which we pray doesn't happen.

I am allowing myself to hope a LITTLE bit, I haven't hoped at all the past year or so just because I have had so many disappointments and heartaches, but the DR said that Clomid increases our chances by 50%, so going from basically 0% to 50% is definitely a step up in the right direction. At the same time I am very much afraid of being heartbroken again, and I'm just asking for prayer that the Lord will be with me during that time if it happens.

I would love nothing more then to have a sweet Sullivan baby in my arms by this time next Christmas, but I have wished for that three Christmases in a row now, and it's getting harder every time to have my heart broken. Let's pray that this is the last Christmas our arms will be empty! :)

Back in snowy, cold Minnesota!

We are back in Minnesota, and goodness it is cold and snowy, we are expecting quite a big blizzard starting late tonight and going through tomorrow night, oh joy! And it kinda sucks too because Jesse has to reserve at the CG Station in Duluth this weekend and I don't want to be stuck in my apartment all day with nothing to do, so I'm hoping to either go spend the day with my in laws or the day with my friend before the blizzard gets too bad, but we'll see.

We put all of our Christmas stuff up the other day, and our apartment looks so festive - I really hope that this time next year we'll be in an awesome house instead of apartment and be able to do even more cool decorating! It's really my favorite holiday and I love decorating for it and getting into the Christmas spirit, it just makes me happy. (Even when its freaking cold outside, ha!)

I have a DR appt on Tuesday to hopefully be put on Clomid, a medicine that I have talked about before, that will hopefully help me ovulate (which we think is my only problem infertility wise) and I'm hoping we don't run into any complications where we have to wait for the next cycle, so I'm praying it will all go smoothly and we can start Clomid next week. My best friend is getting excited, but I'm finding myself being guarded just because of all the hurts and disappointments I've had in the past, I hope I can allow myself to get excited someday soon though.

My little brother Nate leaves for Marine boot camp in CA on Monday, I can't believe he is going to be a Marine! We were all quite shocked when he told us that's what he wanted to do, and I will be definitely praying for him a lot, I'm thinking it will either make him or break him. I pray he will be able to stand strong in the Lord and that the Lord will constantly remind Him that He is all he needs!!

I miss my family in Mississippi and my family in Arkansas, being back in Minnesota amongst the northern accents and snow just makes me miss the south even more. I felt so at home in the south, I felt like I was with my kind of people, but knowing I will probably always live in the north, makes me realize I'd better get used to the people and accents fast, but also makes me not want to lose my heritage and roots, I love the south, nothing will ever change that.

And now, I must do some Christmas shopping for Jesse and my best friend Julie today - they are SO hard to shop for because they hate telling people what they want because they never know what they want, totally the opposite of me where I always have things I want! ;)