Yes much much different then life before a newborn, lol. But of course all the sleepless nights are totally worth it when I see my baby look up at me when I talk to her and smile her beautifully cute smile in her sleep. This is the life I've been wanting for so long, sleepless and long nights and all. :)
Life will never go back to normal, and that's a good thing! My life right now consists of feeding Cassie, pumping extra milk for times that we need it, changing her diapers, doing her laundry, giving her all the TLC I can give and much more.
I'm still trying to find a routine for us since my mom left this past weekend, I'm sure we'll settle into one eventually, but we're not quite there yet. I have yet to do any cooking since I had her, and I wasn't doing too much before that! We did get a couple of very gracious meals from friends the first week which helped out SO much, but now its time for me to get a few meals on the table, perhaps today I will make a soup, that sounds good. :)
Different and difficult things are going on in other parts of my life right now at the same time, nothing with our family specifically, and nothing I can go into, but I'm having to try to deal with all of that as well as deal with this new life of mine. This is the time I really need to rely on the Lord and cry out to Him, I absolutely can't do it without Him, and I'm foolish for even trying. I want Cassie's mom to be a role model for her, so she will know the amazing grace of our Heavenly Father - so that is my goal this next week and in the weeks to come.
BTW, if you're local and haven't come to see our little bundle of joy, we'd love to have visitors! ;)
Anna
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Friday, October 7, 2011
Cassie's Birth Story
Our baby girl is here!! Cassandra Faith Sullivan arrived at 1:47 am Thursday morning, September 29th, she weighed 8 lbs 7 oz and was 19 and a half inches long. It was a very hard and long day, but we have a beautiful daughter out of it and are SO in love!! Here's her story:
We got up that morning around five because we needed to call by 6:30 to see if they could get us in, we had to wait all morning before they finally told us to come in. So after only a few hours of sleep, we went to the hospital at 12 for my induction, got right in, got hooked up, and the on call OB came in and broke my water, and put me on a teeny bit of pitocin. At that point I was still 3 centimeters and 80% effaced. My body was so ready, I had my first real and hard labor contractions within a half hour or so. It was at that time I knew I would definitely be needing that epidural.
After about an hour or two, the contractions had gotten really bad and everytime the nurses would check me, I would be more dilated and effaced, things progressed so fast we thought she would be delivered soon! They turned off the pitocin, and I continued progressing on my own very well and fast.
After a few hours of barely making it through contractions, they finally told me I could get the epidural, beautiful music to my ears. Oh and at this point, a fun fact was that everytime a nurse would check me, they told me they could feel lots of hair on Cassie! I was so excited! That is definitely from my side of the family.
So finally the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the miracle meds. I totally don't mind needles, but having to sit still during contractions during the epidural was incredibly hard. Once it took effect though, I was in heaven, and was so numb I had to keep asking Jesse to check the monitors to make sure I was still having contractions! Of course I was, all on my own without pitocin.
Time passed really quickly for us and the two moms that were in there, and it seemed I would have her soon. Well once I reached 8-9 centimeters, things started really slowing down and petering off, so they put me on pitocin again. That helped get things started again, and finally the dr came in, checked me and said I could start pushing with each contraction, this was around 10:00 pm or so.
I started pushing with the help of Jesse and our moms, getting the baby down lower. It was extremely tough! After a while of pushing, the dr came in to check on me and informed me that there was a slight issue, Cassie's head was face up instead of the preferred head down position. He said lots of women delivered like this, but it made pushing and delivery a lot harder because of the way the head would have to come through the pelvis. It was hard for us to hear, but I was more then determined to do it. Oh and it was so funny and cute, Cassie was one very active baby in the womb, and proved to be just as spunky and active during the entire labor process, even after delivery. :)
So I kept pushing, and as I did, the epidural started wearing off, and that scared me, I knew and felt that I could not deal with the pain. The nurses kept telling me I had plenty, but I wasn't convinced. Jesse during this time, and a day was absolutely amazing and supportive. I could not have done it without him, he was my rock and made me love him so much more.
After pushing for a couple hours, and really getting no where, the dr started getting discouraged and basically gave us our options. He said we could keep pushing and trying really hard, and he would get the vacuum out to assist me with every push, or we could have a c section. Once he said that, it scared me, the last thing I wanted was a c section, I had prayed that nothing like that would happen. So we all said, we can do this, we will keep pushing with the help of the vacuum.
So we pushed for another hour, the meds almost wore off, I had to get oxygen because I was trying so hard and was so exhausted and in a ton of pain. The dr kept trying, but finally he said we couldn't do this to me and my body anymore , and obviously for the baby. The baby was stuck behind my pelvis because of her face up position and we just weren't getting anywhere. So it was then, around one in the morning that he said we had to do the c section.
I was so disappointed I had to fight back the tears. I felt like a failure, but the dr and the nurses kept saying, I could not get the baby out any other way, I had tried as hard as I could. I was still scared to death though. But I was so exhausted that I was glad to see an end in sight.
We said goodbye to the moms, and Jesse and I headed to the operating room with the staff. After they had gotten me all prepped and ready, they brought Jesse in to sit with me, which was so good because I was nauseous and so scared.
After only a few minutes of slight pressure and pulling, the dr said, "Wow, yeah this baby is big!" it was then that Jesse and I heard that first beautiful cry of our miracle first born. I was overwhelmed with such love and emotion, I burst into tears, and so did Jesse. They gave us a quick peek before they went to clean her up. Then Jesse got to go see her and cut the umbilical cord and I kept saying, "What does she look like? I want to see her! When do I get to see her!!" Oh and they weighed her and we were surprised she was 8 lbs 7 oz, definitely bigger then we thought she would be, and it made me feel better that there was nothing I could have done to push her out.
Finally they brought my baby over and I got my first look at my daughter who was absolutely beautiful. I still couldn't stop crying! Then Jesse went down with the baby and the nurses to go get measured and checked out, and so the moms could meet her. I had to stay in the OR obviously because they had to finish putting me back together.
I couldn't wait to go back down and be with my baby since I hadn't gotten to hold her yet! It was a wonderful thing to finally go back downstairs and hold my baby, I was instantly in love and just in awe.
God was good, even though things didn't go as I would have liked, He knew what was best and kept me and baby safe and healthy. And I do know, if I have another baby, I'm totally scheduling a c-section. The labor I did experience without the epidural, was horrible, I never want to go through that again. Thank the Lord for modern medicine!
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
38 weeks and reflections
I'm thinking this will probably be the last blog entry I write until our sweet little one is born. Can't believe I'm 38 weeks today! God is so good!
As the time draws nearer, I can't help but think of these last days Jesse and I have together, with it being just us. It's been just us for the past 5 years, and even though we've been longing for three years to be parents, it's been just us. We won't ever get that back, that's not a bad thing, it's just one of those things I've been thinking about lately.
Did we make the best use of our time together these past 5 years? We've had our ups and downs, and our highs and lows, but I believe we really have made the best of these 5 years together without kids. My mom arrives in six days and will be with us several weeks, so this week is really the last week it will be only us, the ending of an era you might say.
Now don't be concerned, Jesse and I fully intend to get away often, we have tons of family and friends who have offered to be babysitters, and we will not let this precious baby get in the way of our relationship. It was he and I, before she was ever in the picture, and we won't forget that. We believe it's very important to remember us before kids.
On the other side of the coin, I can't help but get SO excited about the holiday season this year with our daughter - every Thanksgiving/Christmas for the past couple years I've longed for a baby to celebrate with, and every holiday that passes, I would write in my journal and say something like, "Maybe next year will be the year we will have our own little baby to celebrate with!" I'm so glad that dream is coming true this year, and I know that the holiday season this year will be a very special one for us.
I also can't help but remember all my precious friends that still haven't had their dreams answered for them this year, I will never forget the long journey of TTC that it took Jesse and I to get to this point, and I will never forget my dear friends who are still in that journey. To them I say, hold on fast, try to enjoy day to day life without getting bogged down in this journey like I did so much and regret, know that I am always here for you and love each and every one of you, I know the Lord holds you each in a special place in His heart.
Anna
As the time draws nearer, I can't help but think of these last days Jesse and I have together, with it being just us. It's been just us for the past 5 years, and even though we've been longing for three years to be parents, it's been just us. We won't ever get that back, that's not a bad thing, it's just one of those things I've been thinking about lately.
Did we make the best use of our time together these past 5 years? We've had our ups and downs, and our highs and lows, but I believe we really have made the best of these 5 years together without kids. My mom arrives in six days and will be with us several weeks, so this week is really the last week it will be only us, the ending of an era you might say.
Now don't be concerned, Jesse and I fully intend to get away often, we have tons of family and friends who have offered to be babysitters, and we will not let this precious baby get in the way of our relationship. It was he and I, before she was ever in the picture, and we won't forget that. We believe it's very important to remember us before kids.
On the other side of the coin, I can't help but get SO excited about the holiday season this year with our daughter - every Thanksgiving/Christmas for the past couple years I've longed for a baby to celebrate with, and every holiday that passes, I would write in my journal and say something like, "Maybe next year will be the year we will have our own little baby to celebrate with!" I'm so glad that dream is coming true this year, and I know that the holiday season this year will be a very special one for us.
I also can't help but remember all my precious friends that still haven't had their dreams answered for them this year, I will never forget the long journey of TTC that it took Jesse and I to get to this point, and I will never forget my dear friends who are still in that journey. To them I say, hold on fast, try to enjoy day to day life without getting bogged down in this journey like I did so much and regret, know that I am always here for you and love each and every one of you, I know the Lord holds you each in a special place in His heart.
Anna
Friday, September 2, 2011
More then ready
Ok so the time has come in my pregnancy where I am extremely ready to have this little girl. I am getting so uncomfortable, and not sleeping, and I'm just tired of being tired. I felt at first as if I couldn't complain at all about things like this in my pregnancy, because we did try for 2 and a half years to get pregnant - but was reminded by sweet friends that it's ok. We have just a little over 3 weeks to go and I am MORE THEN READY to have her on the outside, I think Jesse and I both are. I just pray the Lord will give me the energy to hold out until she does come. I can see the end in sight, praise the Lord!
And now, just for some recent random facts/thoughts in and of my life:
- I have been eating things I never eat the past few weeks, I think my daughter has a sweet tooth - coke, skittles, I've been craving donuts but have yet to get some, key lime pie, ice cream, chocolate milk, and I could go on.
- There are nerves and muscles I never knew existed in my stomach/pelvic area and region until now. Thanks Cassie!
- My husband is amazingly sweet, and is there for me more then I could ever ask, and oh yeah, he's super excited about meeting his daughter.
- My mom comes in the 19th!!!!!!!!
- I love our Bible study small group from church, they are such an encouragement.
- I'm really dreading fall, because that means a horrible MN winter is coming - even though fall is one of my absolutely favorite times of the year. :sigh:
- At least I will have an adorable distraction this winter as I get to know Cassie!
- I wish we had a jacuzzi tub for my poor aching back and muscles.
- I love ice cold water!
- Jesse is a fantastic grill master, we have had majorly yummy food this summer because of it, mmmm.
- God is amazing!
And now, just for some recent random facts/thoughts in and of my life:
- I have been eating things I never eat the past few weeks, I think my daughter has a sweet tooth - coke, skittles, I've been craving donuts but have yet to get some, key lime pie, ice cream, chocolate milk, and I could go on.
- There are nerves and muscles I never knew existed in my stomach/pelvic area and region until now. Thanks Cassie!
- My husband is amazingly sweet, and is there for me more then I could ever ask, and oh yeah, he's super excited about meeting his daughter.
- My mom comes in the 19th!!!!!!!!
- I love our Bible study small group from church, they are such an encouragement.
- I'm really dreading fall, because that means a horrible MN winter is coming - even though fall is one of my absolutely favorite times of the year. :sigh:
- At least I will have an adorable distraction this winter as I get to know Cassie!
- I wish we had a jacuzzi tub for my poor aching back and muscles.
- I love ice cold water!
- Jesse is a fantastic grill master, we have had majorly yummy food this summer because of it, mmmm.
- God is amazing!
Tuesday, August 9, 2011
7 weeks to go!
I suppose it really is time for an update....we have seven weeks to go until our precious daughter makes her entrance into this world, obviously that's her due date, she could come earlier or later, we'll just have to see. This momma is definitely getting a lot more uncomfortable in these last stages of pregnancy, but enjoying all the amazing movements of Cassie in my belly. We have almost everything ready for her arrival, family and friends have been SO very generous with gifts and showers for us during this time, God is SO good, and we can never thank everyone enough for everything they've done. We are blessed! We can't wait to meet Cassandra Faith and show her off to the world, and snuggle and love her to death. :)
Miss my mom a lot these days.....wish she could just move in with us for a couple months! I am really looking forward to the couple weeks she'll be here before and after Cassie gets here, it will be so nice to have her around, hopefully she won't get too bored.
Thinking about life lately, and how difficult things are whether its family, or job, or marriage, or just life in general, we really have no one else to rely on except for Christ. I really want my prayer life to be more, I have so much to pray for, and so much talking to do with my Savior, how can I not want more out of my prayer life?
There seems to be so much on my mind right now, but I can't articulate it all or type it all out without me seeming rambly, so I guess I'll just stop for now. Maybe I'll have more inspiration later on in the next week or two and be able to post a better blog entry.
Until then....remember to look to the Lord for all of your needs, and thank Him for all the blessings you have in your life right now!
Miss my mom a lot these days.....wish she could just move in with us for a couple months! I am really looking forward to the couple weeks she'll be here before and after Cassie gets here, it will be so nice to have her around, hopefully she won't get too bored.
Thinking about life lately, and how difficult things are whether its family, or job, or marriage, or just life in general, we really have no one else to rely on except for Christ. I really want my prayer life to be more, I have so much to pray for, and so much talking to do with my Savior, how can I not want more out of my prayer life?
There seems to be so much on my mind right now, but I can't articulate it all or type it all out without me seeming rambly, so I guess I'll just stop for now. Maybe I'll have more inspiration later on in the next week or two and be able to post a better blog entry.
Until then....remember to look to the Lord for all of your needs, and thank Him for all the blessings you have in your life right now!
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Too long!
Wow, I have really neglected my poor little blog.....sad! We absolutely love our town home, it's so nice to be out of our apartment and into something so much more homey. We have been so busy the last few weeks making it seem like ours, and we are quite happy with what we've done. And I am definitely not complaining about the 400 extra square feet. :) I actually get excited about cleaning and picking up, and I'm getting quite "nesty" getting ready for baby Cassie's arrival.
A little update on Cassie, I am 26 weeks today, only 14 more weeks to go, which makes me think WHOA everytime. She'll be here before we know it! We have another ultrasound a week from Wednesday, just so they can see the chambers of her heart better, and we will get a confirmation that she is definitely a she. ;) As of today she is almost 2 pounds, and 14 inches long! And she is such an active cutie patootie, I love feeling her all the time and I make sure I talk to her often.
July is going to be a very fun month for me - my aunt and cousins from Iowa are coming up to visit the beginning of the second week, and then around the 22nd my mom and sister get to come visit! Jesse and I also get to participate in a fun maternity photo shoot which I'm very much looking forward too. Oh and I also get to have my Sullivan family baby shower at the end of the month, so that will be fun. Speaking of showers, I'm looking forward to closest upcoming one that my friend Johanna is throwing me, this Saturday in fact! It will be a fun brunch get together with a few dear friends, and should be lots of fun. People are SO generous and Jesse and I could not be more grateful!!
In August, I'm looking forward to a Crossings girls get together at Johanna's house - the Crossings is the website where Jesse and I met, people who used to be homeschooled in the ATI program. It will be awesome to see people I've met before, and to meet new faces that I've always wanted to meet!
And then of course September we will be just waiting for the arrival of our precious baby girl.....hopefully she will not be making too late of an arrival, we are quite anxious to meet her. My mom will be flying up a day or two before my due date, and my best friend from Maine is still trying to work things out so hopefully she can be here too. It will be a very exciting time as we expand our family!
Well I guess that's about it.....goodness, I update this about as often as I do my poor journal, lol. I really need to get better. Have a great day everyone!
A little update on Cassie, I am 26 weeks today, only 14 more weeks to go, which makes me think WHOA everytime. She'll be here before we know it! We have another ultrasound a week from Wednesday, just so they can see the chambers of her heart better, and we will get a confirmation that she is definitely a she. ;) As of today she is almost 2 pounds, and 14 inches long! And she is such an active cutie patootie, I love feeling her all the time and I make sure I talk to her often.
July is going to be a very fun month for me - my aunt and cousins from Iowa are coming up to visit the beginning of the second week, and then around the 22nd my mom and sister get to come visit! Jesse and I also get to participate in a fun maternity photo shoot which I'm very much looking forward too. Oh and I also get to have my Sullivan family baby shower at the end of the month, so that will be fun. Speaking of showers, I'm looking forward to closest upcoming one that my friend Johanna is throwing me, this Saturday in fact! It will be a fun brunch get together with a few dear friends, and should be lots of fun. People are SO generous and Jesse and I could not be more grateful!!
In August, I'm looking forward to a Crossings girls get together at Johanna's house - the Crossings is the website where Jesse and I met, people who used to be homeschooled in the ATI program. It will be awesome to see people I've met before, and to meet new faces that I've always wanted to meet!
And then of course September we will be just waiting for the arrival of our precious baby girl.....hopefully she will not be making too late of an arrival, we are quite anxious to meet her. My mom will be flying up a day or two before my due date, and my best friend from Maine is still trying to work things out so hopefully she can be here too. It will be a very exciting time as we expand our family!
Well I guess that's about it.....goodness, I update this about as often as I do my poor journal, lol. I really need to get better. Have a great day everyone!
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Pink is a fantastic color
Yep that's right, most of you know, but I had to blog about it - we found out on Monday that we are having a precious little girl! We were thrilled to hear the news, I have so been wanting a girl since my mom kept having those brothers, and I kept wanting a sister, it's just spilled over into my marriage, and the Lord is SO good. We absolutely cannot wait to meet our little daughter. We are naming her Cassandra Faith, Cassie for short - Cassandra means "Prophet" and Faith obviously means "Faithful", so I think its kind of neat that we'll be having a faithful prophet. :)
To see her so much bigger on the ultrasound this time around was absolutely amazing, she is getting so big and beautiful, and she even gave us a little smile that we were able to capture in a picture. She was bouncing all around and moving and just showing us that she is growing and healthy!
I have been day dreaming ever since we found out she is a girl, and I am just having the sweetest day dreams about what it will be like to be a mommy to our beautiful little girl - it's amazing how much I love Cassie already, its like she's been a part of us forever and I can't imagine life without her now. Her daddy is beyond excited about having a daughter, and I can already see what a wonderful father he's going to be. I truly believe she's going to be a daddy's girl and will have him wrapped around her little finger. ;) Although she might be wrapped around mommy's little finger too, lol.
We are so blessed, the Lord is SO good.....and we will be traveling to Arkansas to visit family a week from today, and then moving into our awesome new town home the first of June! The Lord is blessing so much, and we are so grateful.
To see her so much bigger on the ultrasound this time around was absolutely amazing, she is getting so big and beautiful, and she even gave us a little smile that we were able to capture in a picture. She was bouncing all around and moving and just showing us that she is growing and healthy!
I have been day dreaming ever since we found out she is a girl, and I am just having the sweetest day dreams about what it will be like to be a mommy to our beautiful little girl - it's amazing how much I love Cassie already, its like she's been a part of us forever and I can't imagine life without her now. Her daddy is beyond excited about having a daughter, and I can already see what a wonderful father he's going to be. I truly believe she's going to be a daddy's girl and will have him wrapped around her little finger. ;) Although she might be wrapped around mommy's little finger too, lol.
We are so blessed, the Lord is SO good.....and we will be traveling to Arkansas to visit family a week from today, and then moving into our awesome new town home the first of June! The Lord is blessing so much, and we are so grateful.
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