Longing, Ever Longing

This morning I find myself longing….longing for a sweet baby to call our own and to hug, kiss and cuddle in the morning. Yes, I do long in general, but some days I have an extra longing, especially when I see pictures of mommies and babies together, so happy, so cuddly.

It’s on these particular days that I love to imagine what life would be like if we had a precious little one, I remember all the baby duties I so gratefully had growing up as an older sister, I would always squeal with excitement when mom would tell us she was pregnant again, I would help her get everything ready, wash all the baby clothes, and I would wait with such a happy excitement.

For you see, I knew, that being the older sister, once the baby was born, and was able to sleep through the night, the baby would move into MY room and I would share a lot of the responsibility – and mind you, I absolutely loved this! This wasn’t my parents forcing this upon me, I begged and begged, and would relish in the day the baby was moved into my room.

I remember changing oh so many diapers, the sweet baby smell after I either helped mom give them a bath or as I got older, would bathe the baby myself. I loved wrapping up the sweet little bundle tightly in the blanket after the bath and would hold him forever, as long as I could. It was never a chore for me to take care of the babies that came along, those times were some of the happiest of my life.

I did get to a certain point when I was 17 or 18, where I told myself, I was quite tired of babysitting and I either never wanted kids or at least wanted to wait many years before them. But now as I sit here, I know that was just a teenage restlessness, wanting to see the world, wanting to know what else there was. Now I’ve “seen” the world so to speak, I’ve done a lot of things I wanted to do, I was an EMT/Firefighter for crying out loud!!

And now I find myself settling into my role as a wife, and longing, ever longing for a child. I definitely won’t be one of those moms who stays at home, and homeschools, I would love to be able to at least still work part time giving music lessons, but I am definitely going to be one of those moms that absolutely ADORES her children, ADORES being a mommy and never takes it for granted.

Especially after having to wait a while to get pregnant, I will relish each and every moment, even the hard ones when we’re up all night with the children (yes I remember those nights when I had the baby in my room) and when the children are fussy for no reason, and when I just want to cry. I will take the time to remember my life as it is right now, full, but not quite as full as I would like it.

So I will continue longing….ever longing, and I feel quite certain, down deep in the depths of my aching heart, that the Lord will bless us beyond measure with offspring.